Tribune journalist quits over horse's ass hole stories

Alert and sophisticated Ode Street Tribune readers informed the Managing Editor of a troubling sequence of stories in the Tribune last week. One story showed a horse's ass. The next day's story showed a hole. The readers suggested to the Managing Editor that this story sequence was a subtle but deliberate journalistic insult to the Tribune's Publisher.

The Managing Editor convened a committee of editors and department heads, along with the Tribune's Reading Consultant, to get to the bottom of this matter. After a thorough examination, the committee recommended that the Publisher issue a stern reprimand to the journalist. The committee also recommended that the journalist be required to write the journalistic motto "Clarity, Brevity, Sincerity" one hundred times on a sheet of plain ruled paper.

The journalist refused. "CBS, that's BS," he snarled. "The Publisher is an uncultured hinny who's never set foot in Artisphere," he continued. "He reads the newspapers like the comics. Go wrap fish with someone else's work!" He then kicked his rolling chair, snapped a pencil in two, threw down the pieces, and stormed out of the newsroom.

Publication of the Tribune is suspended as of today. The Tribune hopes to fill its journalist position and resume publication by January 5, 2015. Talented and ambitious journalists seeking a job should consult the Tribune's job posting. 

Responding to these unfortunate events, the Tribune's Publisher issued a press release. The statement reads in full:

We deeply regret having to suspend publication of the Tribune after our journalist's inappropriate behavior. Because none of our editors knows how to write news reports, we had no choice. But the Ode Street Tribune is too important of an institution to accept the journalist's departure as its end. The Ode Street Tribune is a kind of public trust. It is not, or not primarily, a business. It is a voice, even a cause.

This is not the end. We will continue doing what we're always done just as soon as we can find another journalist.

We wish everyone a happy holidays and a well-informed new year.

soldier monitoring troublesome Lynn St. intersection

The intersection at N. Lynn St. and Wilson Blvd in Rosslyn has been troublesome. Pedestrians ignoring the cross signals create hazards for themselves and bikes and cars. Walking across the intersection while looking up at the "mother tries to Facebook shame daughter; gets pizza in the face" so-called news ticker creates additional danger. And cars rudely enter the intersection without room to get the other side. The result is gridlock for everyone.

The soldier now stationed at the intersection should eliminate these problems. If you violate the crossing signals or block the intersection, he will come after you. Beware!

suspected Rosslyn residence of John Coltrane UNCOVERED!

Despite widespread belief that John Coltrane died in 1967 at the tragically young age of 40, free-jazz aficionados who have had the privilege of riding the Rosslyn metro escalator know better. Their ears have heard what their eyes haven't seen. John Coltrane lives. He lives beneath the Rosslyn metro. Some believe that Pharoah Sanders lives there with him, but that seems improbable.

Recent demolition work at Central Place has confirmed the existence of a large living space under the Rosslyn metro. The heart-rending question now is whether Coltrane has been driven from Rosslyn.

Coltrane and the annual Rosslyn Jazz Festival have been central to Rosslyn's stellar jazz reputation. We must keep Coltrane living in Rosslyn, even if that means providing him affordable housing in a basement suit in the new, luxurious Central Place residential building.

Rosslyn spiritual fuel-stop better than Clarendon church living

Today's young professionals are fast-charging and wide-ranging. The Rosslyn's church on top of the Sunoco gas station serves young professionals and everyone else seeking a spiritual fuel-stop. Clarendon church living lacks the dynamism of the Rosslyn spiritual experience.

Sunday's video

exclusive peep into Rosslyn's deep central hole

After diligent probing, the Ode Street Tribune's journalist was rewarded with a stunning peep into Rosslyn's deep central hole. The structure at the end of the hole has now been demolished. You don't get to see something like this very often.

view Rosslyn war horses from new multi-user path

The new multi-user path on the south-east side of Rt. 50 offers a view of the Rosslyn war horses stationed at Joint Base Myer-Henderson Hall. You have to peer through the brambles alongside of the fence to see the Rosslyn war horses. But be careful. If one of these horses gets angry, it could easily smash down the fence and trample you to death.

Rosslyn's famed Buffalo soldiers rode horses like these. So too did Civil War cavalry. Some say that these horses are direct descendants of the horses of the legendary Knights of the Rosslyn Round Table. The Ode Street Tribune has not been able to verify those claims.

National Chamber Ensemble Holiday Concert this Sunday

Experience world-class chamber music with the friendly and engaging National Chamber Ensemble at its holiday concert this Sunday, 4:30pm, in Rosslyn's Spectrum Theatre at Artisphere. The critically acclaimed violinist Leo Sushansky leads the Ensemble on its mission to "build a sense of closeness between performers and audience" to promote "the feeling of community and a deeper musical experience."  In this special holiday concert:

Kids and professionals will perform music of Dvorak, Tchaikovsky, a Hanukkah Medley, Leroy Anderson's holiday favorite "Sleighride" and more side by side.  The concert will also feature a special performance of a Bach Double Violin Concerto as seen in Meryl Streep's Music of the Heart by a group of 14 violinists from age 10 to adult.

Hinting at possibilities for overcoming the strained relationship between Rosslyn and her sister city Crystal, this concert with bring together sister musical prodigies Annabelle Song (age 12, on piano) and Evelyn Song (age 15, on violin), playing together in harmony. Bring your whole family to this joyful event. Tickets are $30 per adult / $15 per student. Buy tickets online or at the door.

awesome power tools in Rosslyn

Rosslyn's Central Place is currently filled with awesome power tools. Just take a look at the size of the hole driller.

With that massive machinery, Rosslyn has been feeling the earth move. Demolition of the building in the background, which supported Rosslyn's famous crape myrtle mural, has been completed. Rosslyn is already feeling more vibrant and invigorated after that heavy work. Anticipation and excitement is now reaching a feverish pitch for the new erections coming to Rosslyn's Central Place.

Sunday's video

make your holiday special with Rosslyn Holiday Market

The extraordinary Rosslyn Holiday Market is this Friday and Saturday from 10am to 6pm. This not to be missed event will occur in the scenic 1500 Wilson Blvd. space looking out on the Cupid sculpture in the heart of Rosslyn.

Do something special this year. How about treating yourself to some La Jolie French macarons? Encourage your children's tactile creativity with some Happy Doh Lucky all-natural, themed play dough. Stella & Dot offers you some new fashion jewelry and fashion accessories. Everyone could use some ultra premium Laconiko Greek olive oil. And don't forget your dog. How about some Fuzzy Paws Bakery gourmet, homemade dog treats? All this great stuff and more you can acquire at the Rosslyn Holiday Market this Friday and Saturday.

The color, bustle, and excitement of shopping in the Rosslyn's Holiday Market is far better than looking over stuff on a computer screen. Get out into real-world special shopping in Rosslyn.

thanksgiving doesn't end at Thanksgiving in Rosslyn

Every day is a day of thanksgiving for those with the good fortunate and privilege of living in Rosslyn.

Rosslyn long connected to Mongolia in Wilson School

Rosslyn's Wilson School, constructed in 1910, shows in its roof architecture Rosslyn's long historical connection to Mongolia and Central Asia. A similar pattern exists in the roofs of wooden houses in the ancient central Asian city of Irkutsk.

Wilson School is currently the home of the world-famous Mongolian School. The Wilson School site is under planning for redevelopment. Keeping the Mongolian School in Rosslyn is crucial for the future growth of the Rosslyn empire.

The Arlington School Board is holding an open meeting this Wednesday, Dec. 3, at 7:30pm, to discuss Wilson School and other school site redevelopments. The meeting will be held in the School Board meeting room, 1st floor, 1426 N. Quincy Street near the Washington-Lee High School. This is a good opportunity for Rosslyn residents to speak out about the importance of Mongolia to Rosslyn.