Thursday, December 18, 2014

Tribune journalist quits over horse's ass hole stories

Alert and sophisticated Ode Street Tribune readers informed the Managing Editor of a troubling sequence of stories in the Tribune last week. One story showed a horse's ass. The next day's story showed a hole. The readers suggested to the Managing Editor that this story sequence was a subtle but deliberate journalistic insult to the Tribune's Publisher.

The Managing Editor convened a committee of editors and department heads, along with the Tribune's Reading Consultant, to get to the bottom of this matter. After a thorough examination, the committee recommended that the Publisher issue a stern reprimand to the journalist. The committee also recommended that the journalist be required to write the journalistic motto "Clarity, Brevity, Sincerity" one hundred times on a sheet of plain ruled paper.

The journalist refused. "CBS, that's BS," he snarled. "The Publisher is an uncultured hinny who's never set foot in Artisphere," he continued. "He reads the newspapers like the comics. Go wrap fish with someone else's work!" He then kicked his rolling chair, snapped a pencil in two, threw down the pieces, and stormed out of the newsroom.

Publication of the Tribune is suspended as of today. The Tribune hopes to fill its journalist position and resume publication by January 5, 2015. Talented and ambitious journalists seeking a job should consult the Tribune's job posting

Responding to these unfortunate events, the Tribune's Publisher issued a press release. The statement reads in full:
We deeply regret having to suspend publication of the Tribune after our journalist's inappropriate behavior. Because none of our editors knows how to write news reports, we had no choice. But the Ode Street Tribune is too important of an institution to accept the journalist's departure as its end. The Ode Street Tribune is a kind of public trust. It is not, or not primarily, a business. It is a voice, even a cause.

This is not the end. We will continue doing what we're always done just as soon as we can find another journalist.

We wish everyone a happy holidays and a well-informed new year.


Anonymous said...

The OST for good of the community must cease these annual labor/management upheavals. A prime example of the consequences of the watchdog of Rosslyn chasing its own tail rather than policing its beat as that the county snuck in and closed Artisphere as soon as it learned the OST wasn't watching.

Now what will the OST write about?

Douglas Galbi said...

OST employees remain in the denial stage of grieving for the closing of Artisphere.