Sunday, June 29, 2014

starving journalist, infuriated by management, quits Tribune

Based on an investigation by the Ode Street Tribune's journalist, the publisher of the Tribune recently donated $100 of his own personal money to support the Artisphere matching-grant fundraiser.  The Artsphere matching-grant fundraiser ends this Monday, June 30th.  If you haven't donated yet, you should donate right now to support this great Rosslyn institution.

The publisher's donation infuriated the Tribune's journalist.  The Tribune's journalist has never received a raise.  He begs leftover food from the A-SPAN homeless bagged meal distribution at Rosslyn's Gateway Park.  The journalist technically isn't homeless only because he is allowed to sleep in his office at the Tribune's corporate headquarters. This past Wednesday, the journalist quit his job and declared that he will start a more promising career in the fast-food service industry.

The departure of the Tribune's journalist pleased the publisher immensely.  He had been looking for an opportunity to hire his boyhood friend Anse Bundren.  Mr. Bundren wrote this past Thursday's news.  The impression analytics report from the Tribune's new media distribution department indicated that Mr. Bundren's writing bombed.  Tribune readers were bewildered and nonplussed.  The publisher has thus decided to promote Mr. Bundren to Sr. News Assistant Editor.

Publication of the Tribune will be temporarily suspended as it seeks to hire a new journalist.  Energetic persons who want to make the world better through exciting local journalism are encouraged to consider this opportunity.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

How does one apply for this position

farwest reader said...

Will you consider someone who does not reside in Roslyn. Can the person hired telecommute.

Anonymous said...

What is the salary? Will there be regular raises?

Anonymous said...

Do you have an application form. Can it be downloaded<

Anonymous said...

What are the job requirements?

Anonymous said...

Does the Ode Street Tribune have an on-site cafeteria for employees

Anonymous said...

What are the fringe benefits that come with the job. Does the Ode Street Tribune provide bicycle parking for employees?

Anonymous said...

What are the opportunities for promotion?

Anonymous said...

Will you consider someone whose background is in the traditional newspaper business?

Anonymous said...

I hereby apply for this position.

Anonymous said...

I also apply for the position

Anonymous said...

Has the position been filed as yet

Anonymous said...

This is an application for the open position. References provided upon request.

Anonymous said...

This is an application for your job. I need work, but I do not really like to work. I want an easy job with a high salary. I do not spell very good, but I know how to use spell check and I know some of the rules of grammar. Your job sounds ideal for me so long as I do not have to do very much.

Anonymous said...

This is an application for your opening. I am not very qualified, but I would be better than the person who wrote the last comment.

Anonymous said...

I really need a job; but I have no qualifications. I also do not have any references. However, I think I could handle this position

Anonymous said...

Please consider me for your opening. I have no experience or skills, but I think I could do this job . Could you increase the salary for this job? Also can you provide a bicycle or automobile as a fringe benefit. Lastly can I sleep on the job?

Douglas Galbi said...

Great to see so many persons interested in this promising position. Unfortunately, the Tribune can't respond to these questions because it lacks staff capable of writing. As soon as a journalist is hired, all these questions will be answered.